How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
How do you cheer up the patients at the vegetable hospital?
Bring a sick beet.
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
Aliens hate playing golf in space as there are too many black holes!
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
What did one ocean say to another?
Nothing, it just waved.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
I have always had acrophobia, but the plane flight brought it to a new height.
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
What is a ghoul’s favorite snack food?
Ghoul scout cookies!
People are always amazed by the skilled tattoo artists in Spain
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
You can forget about winning, princess. Because even Cinderella can’t get to this ball.
I beg your garden?
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
The investigative journalist said that he would reveal all the in-cider information this fall.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
Where do vampires eat their lunch?
At the casketeria.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
Octopus ocular optics.
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
What did the shark say to the whale?
What are you blubbering about?
Why people did not like the restaurant on? Because there was literally no atmosphere.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
Why do Bigfoots like to tell jokes?
Because they're killer comedians.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
What is the ocean’s favorite lullaby?
Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat.
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
The favorite soccer position for ghosts is the ghoul keeper.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
Why did the skier from Helsinki dominate the downhill slalom competition?
He led the race from start to Finnish.
Q. Where did the gorilla like to go sailing?
A. The Chimpan-Sea
You're one in a melon.
I know my shot was in. But I won’t argue, because I’m not up for the challenge.
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
Your love is like vodka.
You were worth the chase.
By the seat of one’s punt
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
It’s party thyme.
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
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