As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette?
“They call it “Nico-tang”
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
HIJKLMNO is the formula for water
H to O.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
When the ghost blew his nose, lots of boo-gers came out.
A good friend of mine fell into a vaporiser and died.
She is sadly mist.
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
What do you call a witch that lives in the desert?
A sand-witch.
Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
What did the zoologist and the herbalist name their child? Tiger Woods.
Flamingos are great to go out with, because they all party like flock stars.
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What did the bus driver say to the frog?
Hop on.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
How can a clam cram in a clean cream can?
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
Feeling fintastic.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra... It was a booby trap.
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
Q: How does a tiger stop a video?
A: By pressing paws.
Why was the doctor doing diarrhia research scared?
He had seen some sh*t go down.
If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.
What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.
What is the only American State that has ever been married?
Mrs. Ippi.
Crows organized a cawnfrences, to discuss the upcoming project.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What did the Japanese skeleton put in his sushi?
Bone-ito flakes.
Why didn’t the lady skeleton wear a bikini?
Because she was big boned.
I used to make extra money by selling illegal tennis equipment on the side, but I was approached by some thugs who told me to stop.
I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
Would they get two minutes for tripping?
Not if they spliff the defence.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
What did the baby mouse do when she saw a bat?
She ran home and told her mother she saw an angel
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
I love having dinner in a local restaurant. It has a soup-erb speciality that mixes soup and herbs.
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