The best holiday for you to go bowling is thanksgiving because you will get turkeys.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
How do you make holy water?
By boiling the hell out of it.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
What is the popular computer game that crows play? Caw of Duty!
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
True house cleaners aren't just born
They're maid.
Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. It’s Dublin every day.
Should you plant flowers in any month besides April?
May as well!
Have you noticed that most wolf parties begin at around midnight? Well, it is not by coincidence, it is so that they can have a howling good time.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
The leech, who is good at drawing blood, applied for a job in an art gallery.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
Rain doesn’t fall. Raindrops.
Which bird is the most contented? The crow, because he never complains without caws.
While rainbows must be many colors, they should always stay blue to themselves.
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
This book of spells was useless. The author forgot to run spell check.
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
A guy just walked into my store and bought a bunch of fog machines so I called the cops.
He must belong to an extreme mist organization.
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns. They are not bunny anymore.
What do we call two thousand pounds of Chinese soup? It is called won – ton!
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
How do you make a duck sing soul music?
Put him in the microwave until his Bill Withers
What did one crow say to the other after the party?
We were raven.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital.
He was on a fairway to heaven.
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
What do we call an airplane that cannot take off? It is called an error plane.
Have you watched werewolves taking lunch, you will be amused, they literally wolf it down!
Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
What is the fear of giants called?
Fee-fi-phobia
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
I don't know where I put my queen after the last chess game.
Maybe she's lost I need to check.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
Q. What does one teen buck say to oad another into doing something risky?
A. I double deer you!
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
Why did the computer come with airbags?
In case it crashed.
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