When it rains chickens and ducks, the best description for the weather is foul weather.
I was up all night wondering where the sun had gone for so long but then it finally dawned on me.
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
Are these pants too tight in the Balzac?
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.
Why did the tectonic plates break up?
It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
A zebra is the safest place to cross the road. Unless you are actually a zebra.
Why did the volcano say to the mountain? I lava you
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
Why can you never trust an artist? Because they are a bit sketchy, a little shady and will always try to frame you.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
What's better than a talking dinosaur ? A spelling bee. What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try-Try-Try-ceratops.
Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.
There’s a lot of debate over where the best place to punch a shark is.
Personally, I think it’s the sea.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
I live on top of the mountain and i usually have 99 problems
But the beach ain't one
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
What did the koala write in his Valentine’s Day card to his girlfriend? “I love you-calyptus”.
I have been trying to write a new pizza joke…
But I can’t work out the delivery.
The crowd had filled up the venue and everyone was waiting for the bowling alley to open. Finally, they got the ball rolling.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
What did the fruit lover say after he met a girl?
I’ve got a date
Vampires are not even real. Unless you Count Dracula.
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
What do you call someone who lost her Marital arts tournament?
Divorced.
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
Why don’t readers have extra time? They’re booked.
“Look out for Santa Paws!”
What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
All theatres love to see scarecrows out in the audience as reviewers! They're simply outstanding in their field.
Werewolves love similes and metafurs.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
I'm not the fig plucker,
nor the fig plucker's son,
but I'll pluck figs
till the fig plucker comes.
My strategy is simple, knocking them down a pin at a time.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
Judging by the sounds, there’s an ogre staying in the hotel room above me.
Hopefully he shreks out tomorrow.
What do you call a bulletproof Irish man?
Rick O’Shay.
A wolfswagon rabbit is by far the best car you can gift a wolf.
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
Did you know that ghosts call their true love their ghoul-friend?
Go to BabaMail
