Why should you you stand on the service line? So that you can order ice cream.
Psychologist: What brings you here today?
Squirrel: I realized I am what I eat….. Nuts.
Thank you for making our relationship sweet rather than a rocky road.
Why did the mouse stay inside? Because it was raining cats and dogs.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Do you comma here often?
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
What do Krakens eat?
Fish and ships.
For waterproofing their nests, crows buy caw-king.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
Singing Sammy sung songs on sinking sand.
That crazy little sun of a beach.
I’m no geometric genius, but all love triangles soon turn into wreck-tangles.
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
Why did two fishes go to the riverbank? They wanted to withdraw their fins.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
What does a snail wear to go dancing?? Escargogo boots.
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
Guess what I do when my ice house falls apart.
Igloo it back together!
When can 3 elephants stand under 1 umbrella and not get wet?
When it’s not raining.
What do you call a fake Irish stone? A shamrock.
All you need is a little vitamin sea.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table?
She was hogging all the food!
I see a sea down by the seashore.
But which sea do you see down by the seashore?
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
What do you call a dinosaur that's a loud sleeper? A Snore-a-sorus
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What kind of magazines would the planets prefer to read? Cosmos.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
“Watch out! The road curves ahead” cried the skeleton.
“It’s spine“ replied the driver.
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
Did Cyclops the X-man play hockey? Yes, he enjoyed lasing up the skates.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a ball?
A home run.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
What’s a glow worms favourite song?
Wake me up before you glow glow!
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