What did the snowplow guy say when his equipment broke down?
Take this job and shovel it!
What is the difference between a panda and a polar bear?
About 1,000 miles.
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang?
He just had to grin and bare it.
Why did the spider crawl up the elephants leg the second time?
It got pissed off the first time.
Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
I was surprised that although I was supposed to be feeling blue, my heart was not that heavy. Perhaps, I am feeling light blue.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
My children got their good looks from their mother.
I kept mine.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
I went to my backyard and saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.
It was a millennial falcon.
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
When the husband of the queen gets back to his palace after climbing the mountain, the queen says "Hi, King!"
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh? He wanted to see time fly!
Q. How do you describe a stinking filthy buck?
A. Deer-ty.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
The best armor for sneaking is leather armor.
Because it's made of hide.
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
What do you call the last skeleton on earth?
The end-o skeleton.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
What do you call a French leather coat maker...?
Jim Lapel.
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
What do you call a otter that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
What’s the capital of France?
The F.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
If you see a wasp, don't kill it. Let it bee.
Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager managing an imaginary menagerie.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
My keyboard is missing a key. I lost ctrl.
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Let's go for a spin!
Why did the toddler chew on pebbles? He wanted to eat rock candy.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
Don’t be elfish.
What do you call a noisy group of crows?
A caw-cophony!
The bowling team of which I am captain is known lightning. This is because we get countless strikes.
I'd catalog you with the cookbooks because you look delicious.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
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