What's a shark's favorite hobby?
Anything he can sink his teeth into.
What do you call a Blind Dinosaur's Dog? Do-ya-think-he-saurus-rex.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
Why did the ghoul bury the trophy?
Because he wanted it engraved!
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice
It was cold hard cash.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
What is Medusa’s favorite cheese?
Gorgonzola.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What kind of spells do leprechauns use?
Lucky Charms!
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
Wife was in the hospital and the nurse said she was calling the doctor to put in an IV
When he showed up, I said to him "I thought there'd be four of you".
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
What do you call a flying cheese?
A curd of prey.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
What do you call a professional beach volleyball player who doesn’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend? Homeless.
On one bright Sunday morning, one long lost wolf finally met his longtime classmate. “So, Howl’s it goin’!”
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?
A cereal murder.
How did Reese eat her soup? Witherspoon.
I ordered chicken fingers tossed in Buffalo sauce the other day
I asked the chef to be gentle while tossing them though. Because they’re tenders.
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
How do you get rid of a witch’s hex?
Draw a hex-a-gone.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
What do you call an italian mosquito?
Malario.
What does the like to parrot wear to the beach? A beak-ini!
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
What is the only animal smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee!
What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
Where do rabbits work? At IHOP restaurants!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive.
Olive, who?
Olive you, and I don’t care who knows it!
I love you with all my butt.
I would say my heart, but it is just not as big. (wink wink where my curvy booties at?!)
What do you call it when the Bigfoot in charge makes pasta for all the others?
Alpha Yeti Spaghetti!
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
What do dinosaurs put on their pizza? Tomato-saurus
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death.
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