What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Did you know humans can be struck by lightning?
I was shocked when I found out.
Why is research more trustworthy if it comes from France?
It's Pierre-reviewed.
What says “Quick, Quick”?
A duck with the hiccups
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
Green vegetables absolutely love going on camps as a group. Their favorite is the Brussels Scouts.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
The Doctor could tell right away the bucket was sick.
It was looking a bit pale.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
Why don’t most restaurants serve giraffe?
Because it’s a tall order.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
It’s the fawn of a new day! - said the deer happily after waking up.
A snapping turtle is a turtle that takes up pgotography.
What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
She saw Sharif’s shoes on the sofa. But was she so sure those were Sharif’s shoes she saw?
Went to a game with my dad today and as we were standing up to sing, the veteran in him kicked in and he began tearing up. I said to him, "You know, technically, national anthems are just…
…country music."
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
My friend said, "I bought a parrot for my son that has red and blue feathers."
I said, "Your son must look very strange."
Why does a little cherry always look up to its parents? It tries to follow in their fruitsteps.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Why did the thieves kidnap the monkey?
Because they believed in gibbon take.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake?
A sham rock.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
The tiger asked his longtime friend, "Will you be my tigerlfriend."
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
Mother always knows best. But when winter comes around, Mother Nature snows best.
It’s time to say Versailles to France.
The fruit started to stutter as it was suffering from peach deterioration.
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
Basketball players at times get athletes foot. Come to think of it, it is like the missle toe astronauts get.
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
What is it called when a dinosaur hits a homerun?
A Dino-Score.
Who else is a famous barnyard painter?
Pablo PIGcaso
A little boy asks his dad, “Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?”
The dad replies, “Yes, son, the sky is pretty blue.”
Is it acceptable to take the epidermis from your butt and graft it onto a buddy?
Ass skin for a friend.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What did the boyfriend mouse say too the girlfriend mouse family? Mice too meet you.
I yam what I yam.
My kid asked why I named our WiFi "ship"?
But that's how everything syncs.
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
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