What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What do you call a mouse that doesn't eat, drink, or even walk? A computer mouse.
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
How can you tell if there is a dinosaur in bed with you? By the `D' on his pajamas.
A slimey snake slithered down the sandy sahara.
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.
Why did the cosmonaut take his dog to the vet?
He came down with a stellar case of lunar tics.
What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A tadpole.
Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?
It's almost like they do it on porpoise.
Six sleek swans swam swiftly southwards.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Did you get to hear his new collection of wolf puns? They are howl-arious, absolutely rib cracking.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
“Feliz navi-dog!”
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
Turtles that commit crime are sent to the shell-block.
After the Moroccan scored a Hat-trick, the players gathered for the fez-off.
I hate spring cleaning.
Darn things bounce all over the place.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
What did one hillbilly say to another? I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife. Best trade I ever made.
Who was Shakespeare's reptilian cousin?
Snakespeare
I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb?
FORE!
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
What do ghost cowboys wear?
Boooots.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
Why did the banana fail his driving test? He kept peeling out.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
Did you hear about the birds of prey who opened up a resort?
It was for owl seasons.
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
Are you a locksmith? Because you have the key to my heart.
Books are my kind of texts.
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Did you hear about the kid that ate a whole pack of candy worms?
It’s a sour tale!
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