What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
What’s the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
Seasoning.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Don't give up at this stage, just keep cawing on, you will do great.
My friend can't afford expensive art, she has no Monet.
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
What does a millennial cowboy say?
Yeet Haw!
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
Birdie birdie in the sky laid a turdie in my eye.
If cows could fly I’d have a cow pie in my eye.
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
Vincent vowed vengeance very vehemently.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
"I've found some bunny to love."
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
What country has the most birds?
Turkey.
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
What did the giant say after he ate Fiji?
- I want Samoa!
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
Make your own decisions this summer, don't give in to pier pressure.
Doctor, I keep peeing my pants! What can I do?
Urologist: “It’s mind over matter, urine control.”
What do you get when you cross two fish with two elephants?
A pair of swimming trunks.
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
Why do painters always fall for their models?
Because they love them with all of their art.
The snow leopard appeared just at the time our guide predicted it. It appeared white on time!
Astronaut 1: I can't find any milk for my coffee.
Astronaut 2: In space, no one can. Here, use cream.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
With the kind of weather, it was almost certain that the bride-to-be would get a hoarse throat as she walked through the rain into her bridal shower.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
Volcanoes are rude! They are always int-erupt-ing.
Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
What do you get when you cross a strict school teacher with a vampire?
Lots of blood tests.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
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