What is a nerdy alligator’s favorite programming language?
Jaw-va.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
Where do beavers keep their money? Well, they keep it in the riverbank.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Q. How does a tree get on the computer?
A. It logs on!
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
Why was the computer sad?
It was going un-node-iced.
The only difference between pea soup and roast beef is anyone can roast beef.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
A tree's limbs fell off in a storm, now it's an amputree.
Thank brew very much.
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
This is snow laughing matter!
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
I enjoy throwing coins in the river and watching them. I like studying my cash flow.
What is a flamingo's favorite thing to do at the weekend? Play fla-bingo.
What is a skeleton’s favorite TV show?
Bone-anza!
I recently took a pole and found out 100% of the occupants were angry with me when their tent collapsed.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
I'm considering becoming a cinematografur.
Where did the Terminator find extra olive oil??
Aisle B, back.
What's a Koalas favorite drink? Coca Koala!
The only fruit that makes me feel fuzzy and warm is a peach.
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
I like my breakfast like my tennis grip: Continental.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
Gaiters.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
You want to hear the best rock puns?
Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
What happened when it started raining coins?
It knocked some sense (cents) into the world.
My least favourite hue is purple. It's worse than red and blue combined.
A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
Did you hear about the girl who put gorilla glue in her hair?
Her stupidity knew no bonds
What is a worm's favorite band? Mud.
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
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