The satellite went into the orbit, right on January 1st, causing a New Year’s revolution.
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
My computer's favorite singer is A Dell.
I visited Spain and couldn't stop looking at the architecture
It was very Moorish.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
We’ve reached the pint of no return.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
How did the skeleton baker make bread?
He Knee-d it.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
What do you call a fascist mosquito?
Benito Mosquitollini.
My Dermatologist was fired today...
He made too many rash decisions.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
When does a bat go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
I aorta tell you how much I love you.
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl."
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
Why are houseflies great at arithmetics? Because they multiply really fast.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
What is the fastest way to make a setter angry? Each time you make a pass, tell the setter the ball is “Up” and then say “Yours!”
What do you call an ant who can see into the future?
Clairvoy-ant.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
What do you call an ant that doesn’t sink?
Bouy-ant.
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
Fake ramen noodles are also called the impasta.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
My dad always said the secret to theatre was to always leave them wanting more.
He was a great guy but a terrible anaesthetist.
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