A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
Why are skeletons so good at telling jokes?
Because they have a funny bone.
Bobby Bippy bought a bat.
Bobby Bippy bought a ball.
With his bat Bob banged the ball
Banged it bump against the wall
But so boldly Bobby banged it
That he burst his rubber ball
"Boo!" cried Bobby
Bad luck ball
Bad luck Bobby, bad luck ball
Now to drown his many troubles
Bobby Bippy's blowing bubbles.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
What's the greatest problem facing Poland?
The four-ten split.
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test?
This is too much pressure!
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
You knead me in your loaf.
What did the skydiver say in autumn? I love the fall.
What do zebras hold?
Ze boobs.
Why don't alligators like fast food?
Because it is difficult to catch.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
How do you learn more about spiders that live in the rainforest? Check out their web site!
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
The reason lakes are bigger than rivers is because one has running water whereas the other water is merely standing.
What is the fastest fish in the water? A motopike
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”
“I hate being half bike, half motorcycle,” he moped.
What’s a missionary’s favorite kind of car?
A convertible.
"Hey there, hop stuff."
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
What problem did the young bat experience?
The hangout.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
What always succeeds? A toothless parrot! (sucks seeds)
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
A toast to you:
You always know how to make everything butter.
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