Your love is like vodka.
You were worth the chase.
Why is spring a great time to start a gardening business?
Because it’s the season when you can really rake in the cash.
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
What did the horse reply when asked if it would try water polo?
“I would dapple.”
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
Some pink birds can be really rude. I approached a group of them the other day and they screamed “Flamingo away!”
What do witches' cats like to have for breakfast?
Mice crispies.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
How heavy is a rainbow? It's actually pretty light.
What keeps ghouls happy?
The knowledge that every shroud has a silver lining!
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
What do you call a small fish magician? A magic carpet
I was wondering why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
If you were born and raised in France, what does that make you?
French bred.
What do you call a militia of pigeons?
A coo.
It's a nice night for a white rice fight.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind that blows a tall guys onto a basketball court?
A: The NBA draft
Q. Where are deceased deer laid to rest?
A. In a moose-oleum.
I'm going to start a business selling worms and Nintendo consoles
I'll call it "Bait and Switch."
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
Whale, whale, whale …
If it isn’t a pod.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
What side does the zebra have the most stripes on?
The outside.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Let's go for a spin!
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
The Earth without 'art'...
....is 'EH'
We got a huge jack-o-lantern this fall. It gave the neighbors pumpkin to talk about.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with an alarm?
An alarm cluck.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
What do you call a crab that throws things?
Lobster
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
Mary didn’t miss a first serve the entire match. It was not her fault she lost.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
Where does a fish keep his money In the River Bank!
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