I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english
But he came back with nothing
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
What did Dracula say when he saw a giraffe for the first time?
I’d like to get to gnaw you.
Why do math teachers make good dancers?
Because they have algorithm.
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
What happens if you cross a hairdresser and a werewolf?
A creature with an all over perm!
Bread is like the sun, it rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
Many people think that the Abominable Snowman doesn't exist...
Yeti does.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
What do you call witches who live together?
Broom-mates.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
You mermaid to go far.
As I was preparing to leave the restaurant, the waiter said to me, “Do you wanna box for your leftover food?”
I said, “No thanks, but I’ll wrestle you for them.”
"You can't beat me."
If marriage is grand, what is divorce?
Ten grand!
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
Shell yeah.
What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
This is un-bear-able.
I felt sad for my brother's computer being overclocked because I heard the processor say, "Stop it! It hertz so much!".
Where does Sasquatch store his stuff while he's out on a hike?
In a big footlocker.
I caught a fruit fly in the air and killed it.
I'm a gnatural born killer.
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory? Because she was a plant eater!
Why was the doctor doing diarrhia research scared?
He had seen some sh*t go down.
Silly sheep weep and sleep.
In the paintball game, I shot a guy thrice. He dyed on impact.
What kind of bee makes milk?
A Boobie!
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
Why wasn’t the little pumpkin allowed to swim?
There was no life gourd on duty!
What did the skiier say when his standup act was going downhill fast?
There snow possible way these puns could be more painful.
What do you call an ant from overseas?
Import-ant.
Why did the monkey like the banana?
Because it had appeal.
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
A bird that talks in morse code!
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What did the gold say to the pyrite?
You’re a fool and a fake!
Why are artists so temperamental? They have to get into the right frame of mind.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
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