What do you call an otter with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
Whale, hello there.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
Ideally, the cost of a bowling game should be ten pinnies. However, with inflation, the price always goes up.
What did the teaching tree do when it went overseas? It took a leaf of absence!
What happens if a big ghoul steps on Batman and Robin?
They become flatman and ribbon!
What do you call a happy penguin?
A penGRIN.
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
I love a joke about the eyes.
The cornea the better.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
What does Frosty the Snowman do to combat his worries about melting?
Take a chill pill!
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Where do ski instructors keep their money?
In the local snow bank.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do Ghosts suffer from? Saturday fright fever.
Why won't prison life be much different from playing for the Bills? OJ will still have big guys opening holes for him.
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
My girlfriend really changed after she became vegan
It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
Why didn't the hipster swim in the river? It was too mainstream.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
If flamingos can’t fly, how on earth do they get about? They use flamingo karts, of course.
What name does Santa Claus use when he takes a break from delivering gifts? Santa Pause!
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
What is a lightyear?
The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
What does an owl with an attitude have?
A scowl.
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
A crocodile tried to copy a rooster to wake his friends one morning, he went croc-a-doodle do.
There’s so much to do here so I’m never Bordeaux-ed.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
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