"We found eggs in a hopeless place."
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk? Dirty looks from the mouse!
I had to work with two different hospitals for my Knee Surgery...
It was a joint venture.
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
Can you explain why your neighbor’s yard is so messy and overgrown?
“We’d never.”
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
Q. Where do red, orange, yellow, green, blue and violet crayons like to go hiking?
A. Colorado.
What do you call someone who rips up books?
A tear-orist.
What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
How do you know flowers are friendly?
They always have new buds!
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
It takes one to snow one.
Why did the Easter Bunny go to the doctor?
It was time for his annual eggzam.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
Why do pandas have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided if the cowboy city planners had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
What do you call an 'O' on fire?
Flamingo.
At what time of day was Adam created?
A little before Eve.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Accordion
Accordion who?
Accordion to the forecast, it's going to rain tonight.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
Knock knock!
Who is there?
Beaver
Beaver who?
Be-ware of the turbulent river.
Did you know humans can be struck by lightning?
I was shocked when I found out.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
What did the baby mosquito say after his first flight?
“Mama, mama! Did you see that? Everyone was clapping for me!”
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
I had four cans of alphabet soup.
Just had the largest vowel movement ever.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
Why couldn't the little witch read her spellbook?
It was written in curse-ive.
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