What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
Is a cowboy with his foot across the Canadian border in Canada?
Just aboot.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Tie twine to three tree twigs.
There's a group of girls that love vampires at my school. I really want to join their fang club.
What's a frog's favorite game?
Croak-et.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
One smart fellow, he felt smart.
Two smart fellows, they felt smart.
Three smart fellows, they felt smart.
Four smart fellows, they felt smart.
Five smart fellows, they felt smart.
Six smart fellows, they felt smart.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
One should never mix oranges in apple juice. Well, perhaps you may do it once in a blue moon.
We’ll need protracturtle in our next lesson since the topic will be angles.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Where does the sun hide at night? Just keep looking for it, it'll dawn on you soon!
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
Q. How do you describe a deer joke with a screwed up punch line?
A. Bucked up.
What do stylish frogs wear?
Jumpsuits.
What does goblin's blood consist of?
Hemogoblin.
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny left his treasure
Eggs marks the spot.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
I always feel like a winner in France, which is great because I hate Toulouse.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
Did you hear about the Wi-Fi wedding?
The ceremony was awful, but the reception was great!
Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?
Yes, it is February 14th
Don’t come to France without any Monet.
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
Q. Which Louisville race exclusively features buck and stag contestants?
A. The Kentucky Deer-by.
What do you get when a duck bends over?
It’s Buttquack
Which Old Testament prophet took forever to make a point?
“I say… uhhh…” (say it out loud)
Why did the mommy and daddy werewolves call their son “Camera”?
Because he was always snapping at things!
Turtles love taking shell-fies.
Why did the biology teacher and the physics teacher split up?
They had no chemistry!
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
Books are my kind of texts.
How do sick kangaroos get better?
They have a hoperation.
Authorities have been trying to figure out how the Worcestershire sauce truck spilled...
But it's hard to say...
Fresh fried fish,
Fish fresh fried,
Fried fish fresh,
Fish fried fresh.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
I want to ask my girlfriend to marry me, but first I must ask her father's permission...
I have to question the pop before I pop the question.
What do you get when you cross two fish with two elephants?
A pair of swimming trunks.
When you cross a wolf and a monkey, you end up with a howler monkey.
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