Why did the little birdie go to the hospital?
To get tweetment.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
What do you call a mosquito with a turbo?
A bug-hati.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
What’s a glow worms favourite song?
Wake me up before you glow glow!
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
We have a great connection since you’re wifi-material.
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
Aloha is a soft laugh.
What did the shark say to the whale?
What are you blubbering about?
What advice do ghosts give their children? Only spook when spoken to.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
Why did the artist use the bathroom? Because she was consta-painted.
What do you get if cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle-neck jumper.
The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
I painted a picture of my cat’s feet today.
You could say it was a paw-trait.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
What do you call a small mosque in Spain?
A mosquito!
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
What do you call a paper plane that doesn't fly ?
Stationary.
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
What happened when a man practiced archery near some stationary planes? They ended up very arrow-dynamic.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
Why are fisherman so stingy?
Their jobs make them sel-fish!
If a young goat learns a martial art, are they a karate kid?
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
Why do ghouls like ice cream?
Because it’s ghoulilicous!
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
The 70s/80s aesthetic has recently become pretty popular in France.
They say it has a certain Gen X sais quoi.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
Go to BabaMail
