Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
What is a tornado's favorite movie? Gone With the Wind!
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
He planted a light bulb and thought he'd get a power plant.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
What happened when the koala tripped and fell in a crowded restaurant? He got embearassed.
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
Why is Frankenstein such good fun?
Because he soon has you in stitches.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Last night I was but by a bloodsucker from the moon.
Damn lunatics.
Rudder valve reversals
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
A ship load of red paint crashed into a ship load of blue paint. The crews were marooned.
You’re my soul Santa.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What do bees chew?
Bubmble gum.
What does a worry wart drink? Safe-Tea.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
I installed a sky light in my apartment.
The people upstairs were not happy at all.
Today I learned that the Pentagon was supposed to be the Octagon.
But the contractor kept cutting corners.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
What do you call witches who live together?
Broom-mates.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...
Unless you're Chinese. Then it's 'squirrel'.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What did Detective Duck say to his partner?
“Let’s quack this case.”
I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
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