How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
My first date with an Emergency department nurse was a casual tea.
What’s an elephant’s secret talent?
They’re great at multi-tusking.
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
In every corny joke,
There is a kernel of truth.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
My wife and were on the sofa and I lean in for a cuddle.
She says: "careful I'm holding a tea!"
And I say: "and I'm holding you, so I guess we're both holding letters of the alphabet"
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
what do people win at fancy grammar competitions.
a posh trophy.
Did you hear about the aquarium owner?
His shark was worse than his pike.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
Witch fall flavor is your favorite?
“He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart.”
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? Try Sara's Tops
Not all math puns are bad.
Just sum.
What are the best kind of flowers to get your girlfriend after screwing up?
Whoopsie Daisies
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
What is a beaver's most favorite drama series ever? Riverdale.
What would you call a vampire who is into finance?
Account Dracula.
Why did the little boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
Because he heard there were sleeping pills in there.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
The big black bug bit the big black bear,
but the big black bear bit the big black bug back!
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
What kind of tree does a chicken come from?
A poul-tree.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Being shellfless entails volunteering at the relief center during disaster.
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Paddy like a rockstar.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
You have a pizza my heart.
What does the iron-deficient giant say?
- Fi fo fum.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
What is a gorillas second favourite fruit to eat behind bananas?=
Ape-ricots
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
Which servant of God was the worst lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
What words do windmills live by? One good turn deserves another!
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a four-leaf clover?
The Cluck o’the Irish!
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