How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
While building a house, the architect took his fingers and dipped them in a jar of blue ink. He wanted to get the blueprints!
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
Let’s take an elfie.
Kindly kittens knitting mittens keep kazooing in the king’s kitchen.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
What do you say when you catch a bee?
Behold!
What do you call a camel without humps?
Humphrey.
Why did the obtuse Triangle go to the beach?
Because it was more than 90°.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
What did the Indian kid say to his mother when she left India?
Mumbai
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
"I need to re-wine my life."
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
My wife just said that in order for our marriage to work, we both need to make sacrifices.
I’m thinking of choosing a goat.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
I was up all night wondering where the sun had gone for so long but then it finally dawned on me.
Why did the skeleton go to the dance?
To see the boogie man.
Bigfoot saw me today
I bet nobody believes him.
Why does the dolphin kingdom never go to war?
Because it would defeat the porpoise.
What’s the great white shark’s favorite candy?
Jaw-Breakers.
You snow the drill.
In Italy there is a group pf moms creating soft cheese...
They brand themselves as MOMzarella.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
Which country do sheep go on vacation? The Baaa-hamas.
Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor? Rabbit De Niro!
The evil King of Weatherland only had one favorite weather - hail, storm.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
A mixture of black, white, and red usually refers to a panda who has experienced severe sunburn!
Why does a little cherry always look up to its parents? It tries to follow in their fruitsteps.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
Have you heard the one about the spaceship that came to Earth?
Never mind its over your head.
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
Q. How do does and fawns fly from place to place?
A. In a deer-igible
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
Treat yo shelves.
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