Everyone wondered why Cinderella was such a bad player. If only they knew, her coach was a pumpkin.
What sound does a Greek cow make?
"μ"
Why did the Buddhist gorilla get locked out of his monastery?
He forgot his monk-key
How do the elves clean Santa's sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer!
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
Do you know how to dunk cookies? Ask a basketball chef.
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
What always succeeds? A toothless parrot! (sucks seeds)
Why do you cry, Willy?
Why do you cry?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy? Why?
A friend of mine was describing an exotic bird to me and asked what was orange and sounded like a parrot. I told him, "A carrot".
My three favorite things are eating my family
and not using commas.
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
What did Cinderella Dolphin lose?
Her glass flipper!
What kind of pet fish did the skeleton have?
A bonefish.
How did the apple tree get the job? It had the right qua-leaf-ications!
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Eyesore.
Eyesore who?
Eyesore from my long run—can we take the elevator?
You’re a cutie 3.14159265359
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
What do bakers tell their children at night?
Breadtime stories.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
How do ghosts take their eggs? Terri-fried.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
The company is planning to make a new series to show people how to fly an aeroplane. They are now filming the pilot.
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
How can you hear the sounds of a group of dolphins?
Listen to their podcast.
How do ghouls sign off a letter?
Best witches and worm regards.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
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