Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
How did the monster predict his future?
With the horror-scope!
What’s a llama’s favorite drink?
Llamanade.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
“Did you hear the forecast for Christmas Eve? They’re calling for rain, dear!”
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
What Did The Duck Say When The Waitress Came?
Put it on my bill!
"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the buffalo said.
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
What game do fawns like playing at sleepovers?
Truth-or-deer.
Did you hear about the incident at the tiger exhibit?
It was a big cat-astrophe
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
I found out yesterday that the Mexican dish ghosts like the most is a boo-ritto.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
What did the koala say to his girlfriend?
I love you-calpytus.
Fred fed Ted bread and Ted fed Fred bread.
If a robber robs a house under renovation and accidentally leaves his handprint on wet cement,
Does that mean that the police have concrete evidence?
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
I’m soy
into you.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite game?
A: Twister
What all kinds of stars wear the sunglasses? The movie stars.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
What did the man say after spending hours skiing?
"I'm starving, can I avalanche?"
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
Where do otters come from?
Otter Space.
What happened when Turbo lost his shell? He began to feel sluggish.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
Dad: "Knock, knock!" Kid: "Who's there?"
Dad: Spell!
Kid: Spell who?
Dad: W... H... O...
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
What did the teenage crow want for his birthday? A brand new caw!
Why did the bucket bounce?
Because it was filled with spring water.
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
It is ridiculous having a basketball team that lacks a website. Do you mean none of them can string three W’s together?
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
My dad didn’t love me as a child, but I don’t really blame him.
I wasn’t born until he was an adult.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
“Why did they ask the turkey to join the band? He had the drum sticks.”
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
Who were Gumby’s favorite Bible characters?
Shadrack, Meshack & AhBENDago.
Two astronauts who were dating, met up for a launch date.
How does the sun say hi to the moon?
With a heat wave!
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
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