If practice makes perfect and perfect needs practice, I’m perfectly practiced and practically perfect.
What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
An idea is one of the worst killers of vampires. They don't see it coming, and then it dawns on them.
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
What is the name of the car that passes through the narrow stream of the river? Fjord.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
Why was the horse a great editor?
She was very thorough bred.
A young man had just returned home from culinary school and was telling his family about everything he had learned.
"The most interesting thing I learned was about the French Fry", he told them.
"Combing through historical records, we found that it was not first fried in France!"
His family was astounded, and asked where it was fried originally.
"In Grease, of course."
What’s a shark’s favorite science fiction TV show?
Shark Trek.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
Spring is the perfect time to turn over a new leaf.
It is only late August, yet the leaves are already turning brown. Autumn came early this year. Orange you glad?
What do you call the guy who draws pictures of criminal suspects? A con artist.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
"You round me out." — High Card Band
Girls just wanna have sun!
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
If Kantie can tie a tie and untie a tie,
why can't I tie a tie and untie a tie like Kantie can.
My friend was going to a painting competition, so I wished him, "Grey the force be with you".
I’m ready to shamrock and roll.
I saw the chicken quickly crossing the basketball court? Then I remembered that the referee was blowing fowls.
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
I can't believe I can't see the bottom of the ocean.
It's unfathomable.
How does the Easter Bunny stay healthy? Eggsercise, particularly hareobics!
What's a prisoners favorite building materials? Steal n cement.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
The artist thought she was all that and pen some.
As autumn came, the leaves started greeting each other by saying, "Hay there!"
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
Why was there no food left at the Halloween party?
Because everyone was a goblin.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?
A jump rope.
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
What do rabbits put in their computers? Hoppy disks!
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
Because it was so foggy at my father’s funeral, he was buried in the wrong plot.
It was a grave mist-stake.
Go to BabaMail
