Tne thing you won't catch a vampire ordering in a restaurant is a stake sandwich.
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
What do you call a clever ant?
Brilli-ant.
Why did the deer cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
How much dew does a dewdrop drop
If dewdrops do drop dew?
They do drop, they do
As do dewdrops drop
If dewdrops do drop dew.
Have you seen the Greek book that became a movie? You odyssey it.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
Why do Otters swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
How do the crows in Texas greet each other?
Yee-caw
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
If you doubt whether bowling is a sport, get it from me, that yes, it is a sport, but for people who have talent to spare.
The evil King of Weatherland only had one favorite weather - hail, storm.
How do you let a deer know you like her?
You fawn over her.
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
I tried to make it to the end of the rainbow but didn't due to lilac of effort.
What did the rainwater say as it ran off the road.
Grate.
Roberta ran rings around the Roman ruins.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
Why did Frankenstein’s monster give up boxing?
Because he didn’t want to spoil his looks.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
I was at an office conference this past autumn. I made a new friend and when I asked for his contact details, he said, "Here is my November!"
Apparently Dracula sets up a password for every website so he can click on Your Account.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?
A frog with hiccups.
What kind of hotdogs do ghouls like best?
Halloweiners!
What did the flower say after it told a joke?
I was pollen your leg
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Writers have great climaxes.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
What do you tell a cheese going through a hard time?
Ricotta get through this.
Two astronauts who were dating, met up for a launch date.
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
Why shouldn’t you iron a four-leaved clover?
You don’t want to press your luck.
Werewolves love their fast food.
You know, I didn't kiss my wife until I was married...
because she wasn't my wife until we were married.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
I thought I saw some fog yesterday.
But I guess my memory’s a little cloudy.
Q: How do clouds keep in touch with each other?
A: Using sky-pe.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
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