How does the Easter bunny stay in shape?
Lots of eggs-ercise!
Why did the volleyball player join the marines? To serve our country.
I like bowling.
Seriously, it’s right up my alley.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
Wow, wouldn’t mind if you became my significant otter.
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A loan shark
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
If you are wondering about the most important constitutional right of a peach citizen, well, it's none other than freedom of peach.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
My wife was just recently diagnosed with colorectal cancer and now has surgery scheduled to remove a couple of inches of her colon. I expect her grammar will improve as a result.
Because she's going to have to learn how to use a semicolon.
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
I accidentally mixed up the words 'Jacuzzi' and 'Yakuza' online.
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
I see a sea down by the seashore.
But which sea do you see down by the seashore?
I’m elf-taught.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
What is a cat’s favorite horror movie? The Purrrge!
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
Cutest clover in the patch.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
I know a man whose last name is Storm
He has three daughters: Summer, April, and Haley.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
For instant fun, just add water.
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
What killed the painter? He had too many strokes.
What do you get when you dump your Easter eggs on a hill?
A spring roll!
Be careful this Easter
There is a lot of basket cases out there.
What happened to the man who didn’t pay his exorcist? His house was repossessed.
Green seemed to disappear from the rainbow it came back in full force, olive and kicking.
Make your own decisions this summer, don’t give in to pier pressure.
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