What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
My collection of Swiss watches was stolen in Spain.
Adios Omegas.
You’re sleigh-in’ it.
Did you hear about the goblin that got his left arm and left leg cut off?
Well don't worry, he's all right now.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Though my brother won the art competition, he went up to his rival and gave him the credit where it was hue!
Why was the farmer angry?
Because someone got his goat.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
Where do crabs invest their money?
A sea bank.
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
Giraffe: The highest form of animal life.
A sloth walks in to a bar and waves to get the bartender’s attention, and says I’ll have...... a soda water.
The bartender replies “why the long paws?”
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
What is the biggest ant in the world?
An elephant.
What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo? A Bronco-saurus!
Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
What's the Kraken gonna give you that'll make you laugh uncontrollably?
Ten Tickles!
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
I started a job making plastic Dracula figurines but there’s only two of us in the production line.
I have to make every second Count.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
Where is the Ghost’s bedroom located? Down the Hall-oween.
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
What does a frog in Paris eat?
French Flies.
Why was the pun a bad comedian?
He never got the pun-chline right!
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
What do you call a bat who gets a charge out of life?
A battery.
How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
The target in soccer is to kick it where it counts.
What do you call an artist without a palette? Someone who makes paintings without taste.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
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