What's an inmates favorite fishing equipment? Jail bait.
I aorta tell you how much I love you.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? Turkey.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
just witnessed a chicken try to pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,
ImPeck-able.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger and the other is a fish!
What hotel do mice stay in ? The Stilton
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
How do you know you’re in love with a flower?
Not a daisy goes by where you don’t think of them.
Its ok to kiss a nun....
But don't get into the habit.
Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
The chicken got sent off in the middle of the match because of their persistent fowl play.
What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
What does an artist call his sketch pad? A house.
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
What did the reindeer dad tell his son?
Deer to be different!
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
How many middle-hitters do you need to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but the the setter has to put it perfectly in their hand first.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
What do you call witches who live together?
Broom-mates.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Shake your shamrocks.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
"You can't sip with us."
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
The moto of their school bowling team was ‘let’s knock em down’.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
Keep calm and carrot on.
Are Earth and Moon good friends? Yes, they’ve been going around together for many years now.
What is a baby parrot's favourite game? Beak-a-boo!
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
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