What did the artist ask the preschooler? Can you count to pen?
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
What do you call half of a centaur?
A per-centaur.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
What do you call an ant that doesn’t get warm?
Coolant.
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
I had the best ice pun to tell you…
Problem is, it slipped my mind.
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
Clean water is like password
Not everyone has access to it.
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
Where does a fish keep his money In the River Bank!
Q: What do you call a gust of wind full of sand?
A: A rough draft
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
What is a bunny’s motto? Don’t be mad, be hoppy!
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son.
Beehive!
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
The fruit stutters because it suffers from a peach impediment.
Today, I am eating a bun filled with pineapple and ham for my dinner. That is Hawaii roll.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a four-leaf clover?
The Cluck o’the Irish!
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
Irish I may, Irish I might.
I love you so fairy much.
What do you call a three-eyed tiger?
A tiiiger.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
Beer is the greatest beverage on earth.
That's my pint of view, anyway.
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