Why did the basketball player sign up for a crafting class?
He wanted to learn how to make baskets.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What do you call someone who tells too many dinosaur jokes?
A dino-bore.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
I’d like to tell you folks a joke about paper, but It’s tearable.
After a long March, April always puts a little spring in my step.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Dear Winter — I'm breaking up with you. Summer is hotter than you.
When you cross a camel with a cow, you will end up with a lumpy milkshake.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
Prepare to be bowled over.
What did the lipstick say after he let down his friend?
I’ll make it up to you.
The last thing I can remember was the yellow ball speeding toward me. I swung the racquet, and then things got fuzzy.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
I like to crouch down, hug my knees and lean forward.
That's just how I roll
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?
A little otter...
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
Does all this rain make you want an ark?
I Noah guy.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito? An otter fortune cookie
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
Why did the worm cross the ruler?
To become an inchworm
What happened when the monster's football game was all tied up?
They went into ogre time.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
A father was reading a book while his son was playing with toys on the floor. “Daddy, why is that book so thick?” asks the boy.
“It’s long story,” replies the father.
A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower...
It was a cross pollination.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
Scuba diving is a good hobby... if you wanna hit rock bottom.
What do you call a cloud that looks like a mermaid?
Aerial.
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
Why is it so hard for people with asthma to have exciting dates?
The last thing you want is someone to take your breath away!
Where does Santa stay when he goes on vacation? At a ho-ho-ho-tel.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
A man fell into a vat of varnish and died
He had a terrible end but a lovely finish.
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
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