What’s the suns favorite clothes brand?
Kelvin Klein.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What did Mars tell to Saturn? Give me a ring sometime!
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
When should astronauts retire?
When they start spacing out.
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine
Just can't get away from my broken keyboard. There's no escape.
What’s an alligator’s favorite dip?
Croc-amole.
How many yaks could a yak pack, pack if a yak pack could pack yaks?
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?
A frog with hiccups.
The group of beavers loved the river because it has a really bubbly personality.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
My deaf girlfriend just told me, “We need to talk.”
That is not a good sign.
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
Why was the artist in an argument? She wanted to have the final clay.
What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other?
I didn’t know we lived on the same block.
If two witches were watching two watches: which witch would watch which watch?
What’s the freshest herb you can find in April?
Spring-thyme!
What’s a missionary’s favorite kind of car?
A convertible.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Why do vampires eat lentils?
Because they are so into pulses.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
What’s the first thing a gorilla learns in school? The ape b c’s.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Join us for plenty of play action.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
How come there are no automatic cars in Spain?
They’re all Manuel.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
I’m stuck on you like igloo.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
I'm the life of the paddy.
What is a ghost's favorite place to work?
Ghoul-gle.
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