What is a witch's favorite ride at the fair?
A scary-go-round.
What all kinds of stars wear the sunglasses? The movie stars.
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
It got lockjaw.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
How many volleyball referees do you need to screw in a light bulb? None because they are always in the dark.
Did you hear about the cows struck by lightning?
They were completely cattletonic!
"Be kind, re-wine."
Mix a box of mixed biscuits with a boxed biscuit mixer.
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
What is the worst type of blind people?
The Notsees.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
Q. What's on display at the Canadian Moose Museum?
A. Mod deer 'n art.
How do baby horses get tucked in at night?
They get told a tail.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
I installed a sky light in my apartment.
The people upstairs were not happy at all.
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
She had a photographic memory but never developed it.
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
What’s the best dessert to serve at a St. Patrick’s Day party?
Paddy cake!
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
I violated grammar rules, so I got punished with the death sentence.
Death.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
What's a sheep's favorite art style?
Baa's Relief
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?
One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
Are you a thief? Because you stole my heart.
Did you hear about the famous Spanish streaker?
Senor Willy.
Seth at Sainsbury's sells thick socks.
Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark?
They were using fowl language.
Where does a thrifty Frankenstein get his limbs?
At the second-hand store.
Go to BabaMail
