What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
It was mitten in the stars.
What did the thunderstorm say to the lightning rod?
You'll never catch me, copper!
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A snow-fake!
Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at the joke?
Because he didn’t have a funny bone.
What’s a bigamist?
It’s what Italians call a thick fog.
I love you berry much.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
What are the favorite video games for basketball players? Shooting stars.
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
My favorite sport is bowling cause I always strike out with girls.
My son asked today “ Dad, are people in Spain cannibals?”
I answered “Why would you think that?”
He said “Well, my teacher said they mostly live off of tourists there.”
I do find that flamingos don’t plan very well for the future… They’re too prone to putting all their eggs in the one basket.
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
Have you botany plants lately?
What’s a whale’s favorite movie?
The Humpback Of Notre Dame.
What's the worst part about being a beaver?
It's a lot of dam work.
Which superhero likes spring the best?
Robin.
How did the skeleton know the other skeleton was lying?
He could see right through him.
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
Well I am.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
Our love started with a Hershey’s Kiss.
The skeleton didn't mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
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