What did the duck say when the waitress came?
Put it on my bill.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
Birds too love cheering on their soccer teams. They egg them on.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Tricera-cops.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
Ireland is pitcher perfect.
I'm pine-ing for you.
I love spending koala-ty time with you.
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
Mommy, Mommy, what’s a werewolf?
Don’t worry about that honey and comb your face!
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
Before training its killer dolphins, Iran had to convert them to fishlam.
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
Q. What do you get if you cross a deer with an Aussie Joey?
A. A buck-er-roo.
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
What do skeletons hate the most about the wind?
Nothing. It goes right through them.
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
What does the youngest flower child say?
Last bud not least!
I didn't know WiFi stood for Wireless Fidelity.
I guess I just didn't get the connection.
An Australian chess player went into a restaurant and ordered food. After having his food , the waiter asked him "Cash or Credit , Sir?"
He said "Cheque , mate."
Diving into shallow water could lead to jumping to wrong conclusions.
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
How do two rival forests get along? They sign a peace tree-ty!
How do you know you have a tape worm?
It’s comming out of your belly!
Go to BabaMail
