What do you call a party for snowmen? A snowball.
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
The earth's rotation really makes my day.
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What do skiers get if they sit in the snow for too long?
Polaroids!
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
Which bird is the most contented? The crow, because he never complains without caws.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
Dad: “Son, your mother and I are thinking about moving to a square island.”
Son: “Wow really? Can I come too?”
Dad: “Four shore!”
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
Luke Luck likes lakes.
Luke's duck likes lakes.
Luke Luck licks lakes.
Luck's duck licks lakes.
Duck takes licks in lakes Luke Luck likes.
Luke Luck takes licks in lakes duck likes.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
The man got shocked when he got down in the river because the river current was too strong.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
If you're attacked by a group of clowns...
Go for the juggler.
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
They told me I was too old to hunt for Easter eggs, but the jokes on them!
I prefer mine poached.
What do you call a deer that can write with both hands?
Bambi-dextrous.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
Are you a defibrillator? Because you are sending shocks to my heart.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
What is a seals favorite subject?
Art Art Art Art!
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Where does a bird have the most feathers in winter?
On the outside.
How do you make a dog stop barking in the backyard?
Move him to the front yard.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
Snow joke, the weather is horrible today!
What do you call a dinosaurs fart? "A blast from the past"
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
What do you call a cat teacher? A purr-fessor
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