What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
When the past, present, and future go camping they always argue. It's intense tense in tents.
After a day of entertaining the troops, the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders meet with the base commander to discuss the rest of the evening.
“Would you girls like to mess with the enlisted men or the officers this evening?” the commander asks.
“I don’t think it matters to the ladies,” the head cheerleader says, “but I’m sure a lot of the girls would like to get something to eat first.”
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
"Some bunny loves you."
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
What is a deer’s favorite place to get breakfast?
Dunkin’ Doe-nuts!
Last night the river was arrested. The river was accused of illegal streaming.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
I got so mad at my partner hitting moonballs, I had to pusher off the court.
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
They say that volleyball is just mind over matter. Because in our minds, you don’t matter.
Something in a thirty-acre thermal thicket of thorns and thistles thumped and thundered threatening the three-D thoughts of Matthew the thug – although, theatrically, it was only the thirteen-thousand thistles and thorns through the underneath of his thigh that the thirty-year-old thug thought of that morning.
Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
What do they call Bigfoot in Europe?
Bigmeter.
What does a Greek machine need to work?
Greece.
If you need to share out your to-do list, just be a dele-gator.
Where do you put nectarines when you want to freeze them? Inside the peach-zer.
'what's the Wifi password?'
'Its for security'
'Haha, yes, I know that. But what's the password?'.
'No, it's 'forsecurity'. All one word, lower case.'.
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
At the baking competition in October, the chef said that he had eyes on the pies!
Why was the doctor so paranoid?
He worked in the ICU.
The pun class we attended totally tortoise nothing.
What's red and invisible? No tomatoes.
We've been driving all day, I need a brake.
My suitcase started crying when I picked it up. I was carrying emotional baggage.
A crab didn't help his friend,
he's shellfish.
What do you call a diving dog?
A sub woofer.
How do you make a rabbit float? Put soda, syrup, and milk into a glass. Add one rabbit.
A gazillion gigantic grapes gushed
gradually giving gophers gooey guts.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
Feeling my shelf.
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
Who is the first farmer to walk on the moon?
Neil Farmstrong.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
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