Why did the witch's team lose the cricket game?
Their bats flew away.
What side does the zebra have the most stripes on?
The outside.
What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
THE KRAKEN: Yes, I'd like to renew my lease, please.
LANDLORD: Re-lease the Kraken!
Life is brew-tiful!
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
What is a koala’s favorite type of fruit? Bearies.
We’ll need protracturtle in our next lesson since the topic will be angles.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
I thought my ballet-themed body art was unique
But then I saw someone who had a tutu tattoo, too.
How many sheets could a sheet slitter slit if a sheet slitter could slit sheets?
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
How do you get in contact with a Greek architect?
You column.
What holds the sun up in the sky?
Sunbeams
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
What do you call cheese who attends art openings?
Cultured.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
What did the tree say to spring?
What a re-leaf!
What was the donut’s least favorite part of its day?
I’m not really sure; it glazed over that part.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
"Time to wine down."
An owl had a sore throat but wasn't bothered.
He couldn't give a hoot.
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
I'd want to know why the winters are so cold in America. I think Alaska local.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
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