What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?
I think we should sea otter people.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Accordion
Accordion who?
Accordion to the forecast, it's going to rain tonight.
The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission: 'When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans.'
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
Why did the bunny eat the wedding ring? Because he heard it was 18 carrots.
Why did the lion cross the road? Because he saw a zebra-crossing...
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
What is a skeleton’s favorite TV show?
Bone-anza!
I went to a theater performance done on a bunch of dictionaries the other day...
It was a play on words.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
My son asked me, what’s a Greek urn?
I said, “about 20 drachmas a day.”
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
What will a space turkey say to another one? Hubble Hubble.
The mossbacks could not connect with the new developments, so the bill was hot
down at the senate.
Why is the mushroom always invited to parties? Because he's a fun-gi.
As the incessant rain washed away the blue paint of the house, the owner sighed and said, "Cyanara!"
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
What do you call a mathematician's spouse?
Their significant figure.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
Q: How does an artist fill in a CV?
A: He draws on experience.
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
What is the best breakfast cereal to eat in the winter?
Frosted Flakes!
I used to know two birds who excelled in ballet...
They were two toucans.
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
I could have been an astronaut...
but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
There's a group of girls that love vampires at my school. I really want to join their fang club.
Have you seen the Greek book that became a movie? You odyssey it.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a poison frog?
A croakadile.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
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