What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
How do nurses and doctors keep people from lying about their medical history?
They use the de-FIB-rillator.
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
As I was preparing to leave the restaurant, the waiter said to me, “Do you wanna box for your leftover food?”
I said, “No thanks, but I’ll wrestle you for them.”
A lump of red leather, a red leather lump.
Leaf me alone.
What kind of dance do single people do on Valentine's Day?
The Independance!
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
Why do poltergeists love haunting old theaters?
Because they can't wait to boo the performers.
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
How many rabbits does it take to change a light bulb? Only one if it hops right to it.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
What do bats say to vampires?
“You suck!”
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
What do you call the Greek version of Spider-Man?
Pita Parker.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle.
How will you come to know when the moon will go broke? It would happen when moon is down to its last quarter.
Why are cats such great singers? Because they’re very mewsical
The weather's getting colder, I really fancy some hot croc-o-late.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite game?
Jump rope.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
Why do earth science professors always talk about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
Why did the Ghosts win the soccer match? They scored more Ghouls.
What's a pun's favorite love song?
"My Punny Valentine!"
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
Why is the giant afraid of Jack?
Because Jack's beanstalking him.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
Why did the origami artist win her court case? She was great at doing the paperwork.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
Go to BabaMail
