Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
Near an ear, a nearer ear, a nearly eerie ear.
One-one was a race horse. Two-two was one too. One-one won one race. Two-two won one too.
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
What type of car does a cowboy drive?
Audi partner.
Crows go to get their shopping at Cawst Co.
“Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes.”
Did Cyclops the X-man play hockey? Yes, he enjoyed lasing up the skates.
Dad, are we pyromaniacs?
Yes, we arson.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Count Duckula.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thick, say it quick!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thicker, say it quicker!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Don’t eat with your mouth full!
Prisoner: "I’m sorry I tried to escape."
Guard: "I’m not mad, just… disappointed."
Remember, kids, never let your guard down.
Turtles communicate with each other through shell phones.
What kind of shark is always gambling?
A card shark.
What distinction does OJ hold in jail? He's the first inmate with a retired number.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
What did one leaf say to the other leaf?
I’ve fallen for you.
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
Where do Yetis go to dance?
To a snow ball.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
The evil King of Weatherland only had one favorite weather - hail, storm.
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
I used Brylcreem this morning to slick back my hair like my father used to do. My wife asked me what I was doing.
I said, "I'm having a dad hair day."
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
"You are so bottlefull to me."
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
Why did the corn stalks hold a ceremony in honor of the scarecrow?
To corn-gratulate him for being out standing in their field!
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
There are so many forms of martial arts, it’s hard to keep track of.
Kind of.. Kung Fusing
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
My friend uses a white crow to protect his farm from other crows
He calls it a rarecrow
Where are sharks from?
Finland!
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
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