Turtles communicate with each other through shell phones.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
I need to apologize to my fellow Californians for all the recent forest fires.
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
My sister asked me for some spider puns.
I told her to look them up on the web.
What does a beaver from Philly drink?
Wooder.
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
The crowd had filled up the venue and everyone was waiting for the bowling alley to open. Finally, they got the ball rolling.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
What is a cat’s favorite type of water? Purr-ified!
What was the skeleton’s favorite Christmas candy?
Bone-bone.
The best place to hide something is at an airport
You'd be hiding something in plane site.
Where do vampires go to buy their art supplies? Pencilvania.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Q: What falls but never hits the ground?
A: The temperature
I visited Spain and couldn't stop looking at the architecture
It was very Moorish.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
Where do you find the nicest children in the world?
Germany. They're kinder.
Mom told son to clean his room. But instead, he set it on fire.
It was a hot mess
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
What sport does the Koolaid man play?
Baseball. He's a pitcher.
What do ghouls drink?
Boos!
Got my friend an unnecessarily large rocket for bonfire night.
He's over the moon!He's over the moon!
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
How did the sheep farmer become best in his field?
Shear luck.
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
What do rabbits say before they eat? Lettuce pray.
What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
Who never minds being interrupted in the middle of a sentence? A convict.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
Go to BabaMail
