What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
I love you a tot!
If you have a parrot, it says a lot about you!
What’s an orca’s favorite TV show?
Whale Of Fortune.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
3 animals enter a bar. A lion, a tiger and a bear.
Oh my!
Why was the cat kicked out of the game? They thought she was a cheetah.
Why did the biology teacher and the physics teacher split up?
They had no chemistry!
My doctor told me that his job is easy because he can heal all of his patients with trigonometry.
He has a sinecure.
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
I applied to be a sperm donor recently and the nurse asked me if I could masturbate in the cup.
I told her I’ve done it a few times before but I don’t know if I’m ready to compete in a tournament.
The tiger came went to the salon. Now, other animals of the jungle call him 'Shaved Khan.'
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
Have you ever tried setting fire to a flamingo? It’s really easy, you just burn the O.
They had us working like dogs at work after a storm
All I did was pick up sticks and bark.
Some bunny loves you.
What do you call it when it's raining and the sun is shining but a rainbow doesn't come out? A refrainbow.
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
Why wouldn’t the Pharaoh let the Hebrews go?
He was in ‘de Nile.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
You should call us butter because we are on a roll. This would be one of the best volleyball puns to put on a T-shirt.
What do you call a dull ghost? Boo-ring!
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad?
Star Warts.
I used to hate tennis, but ever since I’ve started winning 6-0, I love it now.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
A guy just walked into my store and bought a bunch of fog machines so I called the cops.
He must belong to an extreme mist organization.
Dracula is vegan, he can't take any risks. One stake could kill him.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal?
- Bone Appetit!
Never laugh at your spouse’s choice… You’re one of them.
Son: "Dad, why'd you name me Odysseus? He's from greek mythology."
Dad: "Well son, you broke through the trojan wall."
I met an annoying squid who wanted to become a comedian.
He wouldn’t stop kraken jokes.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
When you cross summer sun with summer pun you get summer fun.
Why do flamingos make bad pets? They are too much of a birden.
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
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