There is nothing impaws-sible if you’re as brave as a tiger!
Q: What is a cloud's favorite reptile?
A: A blizzard.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
Did you hear about the incident at the tiger exhibit?
It was a big cat-astrophe
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked when the doctors told me I broke all my fingers.
It was hard to grasp.
What does a basketball player say when he misses?
Shoot!
Are you still wondering why the basketball player could listen to his music? Don’t you know he broke a record!
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What did the motivational speaker say?
Don’t take life for granite.
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
What’s the best meal to eat in an igloo?
Brr-eakfast!
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
Mary Mac's mother's making Mary Mac marry me.
My mother's making me marry Mary Mac.
Will I always be so Merry when Mary's taking care of me?
Will I always be so merry when I marry Mary Mac?
What do you get when you cross a bat with a doorbell?
A ding-bat.
What do cows like to eat for lunch?
Moo-shroom soup
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
Did you hear about the happy cannon balls?
They just got married and I hear they’re already expecting some BBs.
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
My sister was diagnosed as color blind. The revelation really came out of the blue.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
What’s a bats favorite desert?
I-Scream!
What do you call a group of rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hareline
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Thirty-three thousand people think that Thursday is their thirtieth birthday.
I’ve loved my vacation in France, but it’s time to Hugo.
What did the teenage rock say after failing its drive test? I don’t want to talc about it.
What do you call a group of chickens clucking in unison?
A Hensemble.
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