Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
How will you come to know when the moon will go broke? It would happen when moon is down to its last quarter.
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
What do Chinese bears wear over their faces when they’re robbing banks?
Pandanas!
There's this vampire who's more powerful than any other, because he can't be hurt by the sun
All other vampires pale in comparison.
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
What kind of hair style does a bee get?
A buzz cut
Why shouldn't you mess with Santa? Because he has a black belt.
I stopped my phones to the cloud, and I kept getting mist calls.
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
I wanted to be a professional fortune-teller but I wasn't very good at it. I could only predict when there would be bad winter storms. Well, turns out I had been using a snow globe.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
What do fashionable mountains wear when it's cold? An ice cap.
What do witches' cats like to have for breakfast?
Mice crispies.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t PEELING well.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
How do the crows in Texas greet each other?
Yee-caw
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
Why do you cry, Willy?
Why do you cry?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy? Why?
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now."
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
We had an argument on our way back from the tournament. Our position is that their goal was stopping ours.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw? Because they don't know how to cook it.
Tne thing you won't catch a vampire ordering in a restaurant is a stake sandwich.
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
Go to BabaMail
