What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
A prankster played a really dark and dim-witted joke at the theatre. He turned off the lights.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
I bought a bunny because everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
The tiger ran away from other tigers as they were rude to him. He didn't want to be involved in a catfight.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
My sister just delivered a baby...
I knew she had it in her.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
Why do Minotaurs make terrible detectives?
Because they hate to go on steak-outs!
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
What do you call a camel that looks the same from both directions?
A palindromedary!
Why did the Math teacher get a divorce?
He substituted his wife for an ex.
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
Why do werewolves not enter the Olympics? Too high a chance of a silver medal.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
The Azteca Stadium in Mexico has been so neglectfully maintained that there are foot-long grasses on the pitch. Now we call it the Grass-teca Stadium.
Why did the cow go right up to the spaceship? To see the Mooooooooooon.
What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas?
COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
Wanna know why I like to do yard work?
It really takes the hedge off!
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
You must be a geologist because you rock my world.
What do you call it when a dinosaur gets in a car accident? Tyrannasaurus wreck!
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What do you call a deer in a storm?
A raindeer
It's been a while since I heard jokes about people sitting on wet morning grass.
They're over dew.
Why can't basketball players go on vacation?
They aren't allowed to travel.
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
What was the worm doing in the cornfield?
He was going in one ear and out the other!
My mom likes to feed everyone the soup she makes. She said it is her broth right.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
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