Why can’t people hear your scream in the space? Because it’s miles away.
What’s a bats favorite desert?
I-Scream!
my buddy’s sad after getting fired from taco bell, so being a caring friend i asked if he wanted to
taco bout it?
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
How do Penguins drink their cola?
On the rocks.
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
I aorta tell you how much I love you.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
Did you hear about the two bats meeting? It was love at first bite!
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
Ruthless.
Judging by the sounds, there’s an ogre staying in the hotel room above me.
Hopefully he shreks out tomorrow.
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
What does a skunk’s car run on?
Fumes.
How was the lepre-con caught?
By an under-clover police officer!
Believe in your elf.
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
French guy goes into a bar with a frog on his head
The bartender asks “where’d you get that?” And the frog says “in France. There’s loads of them.”
My daughter asked me, "Why are the two planets coming close together?"
"Well, you see... When two planets love each other they can come together in holy astro nomy."
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gator.
What did the deer say to his friend when he suggested a trip to the park? Good i-deer!
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What country do marathoners retire to?
Iran.
I tried to start a soccer club so I put up some posters on a local bulletin board.
Just to get the ball rolling.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
All you need is a little vitamin sea.
I have a serious love-heat relationship with summer.
You’re sleigh-in’ it.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
"Happy Easter to all my peeps."
Today I donated my old basketball hoop to a school for the blind.
It will be missed.
Why did the ski instructor's love life always go downhill? The first thing the ladies noticed about him was his giant slalom.
Five frantic frogs fled from fifty fierce fishes.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
While rainbows must be many colors, they should always stay blue to themselves.
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
What do you think they use in space, when they run out of the drinking cups? The Big Dipper.
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