I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger and the other is a fish!
Why will you not want to give a bath to the Saturn? It would then leave a ring around the tub.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
Hannibal crossed the Alps because it was safer than crossing the elephants.
It takes one to snow one.
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
I'm really obsessed with the F1 key on my keyboard. I'm trying to get help.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Why does lightning strike a tree before a person?
Because it takes the path of leaf resistance.
What happened when Dr. Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?
He got atomic ache.
The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
What is a volleyball player’s favorite drink? Sets on the Beach.
How many ears do you think a Spock has? Three. A right ear, left ear, and a final front ear.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
The most useless room in a ghost's home in the living room.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
Why did the ghost go to the big Labor Day sale? He’s a bargain haunter.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
We got a huge jack-o-lantern this fall. It gave the neighbors pumpkin to talk about.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
What happened to the lost beef shipment? Nobody's herd.
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
How do you know when a joke becomes a dad joke?
It'll become apparent.
What is it called when two spies hug?
A bond-ing moment.
We have a great connection since you’re wifi-material.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
Don't worry, bee happy!
What was the pianist doing at the mall?
Chopin.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
I’m Dublin down on what I said before.
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
The sun is mad at the clouds because the clouds keep throwing shade.
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
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