Why are flowers so good at problem-solving?
They know how to nip things in the bud.
What did the flower tell his son before a big game?
I’m rooting for you.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
Baby flamingos really are badly behaved. I think it’s because their parents never put their foot down.
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
Why do all kids want to be an astronaut?
Because there is no pressure.
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
Why did the deer go for a run?
To doe off some steam.
Will you, William? Will you, William? Will you, William?
Can't you, don't you, won't you, William?
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
"Be kind, re-wine."
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I will not smell it!
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
When do you know a joke is a dad joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
What do you call someone from Spain who lives near the Portuguese border?
Span-ish.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Q. How did the wedding between the stag and the doe begin?
A. Deerly beloved...
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
Why do astronauts use linux?
because you can't open windows in space.
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
Me: I’d like to book an appointment at the hospital please Receptionist: how about 10 tomorrow?
Me: no I don’t need that many, only one thanks.
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
My dad thought Cuba would be boring. He's now Havana a really great time.
What did the carrot say to the rabbit? Do you want to grab a bite?
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
My pet owl will soon turn 180.
He's not old, he just has a bad neck.
Why does Venus have a crush on the sun?
Because the sun is really hot.
What’s the opposite of Easter?
Wester
What do you call an alligator that makes others fight?
An instigator.
What do you call a happy penguin?
a Pen-Grin!
Why Did the Milkman Get Fired?
He was skimming off the top.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
What do you call a handsome seal?
Mr. Seal Yo Girl.
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
What did Homer Simpson say when he saw a female deer?
“Doe!”
The artist successfully climbed the highest peak in the country. He attributed his success to the song, 'Paint No Mountain Higher!'
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
What do you call an ogre in an accident?
A car Shrek.
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
Where does a bee use the bathroom?
BP
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
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