What did the Easter bunny say about the Easter parade?It was eggs-cellent.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
I hate it when planes don't have free WiFi.
It drives me bored air line crazy.
Do you know where I store all my dad jokes?
In a dad-a--base
Q: What do you call a row of 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
The ocean cut off all ties with the river, because the river turned out to be too shallow.
Did you hear about the restaurant they built on the moon?
The food is good but it lacks atmosphere.
Did you hear the was a fire at a used furniture store and two people died next door?
It was due the second hand smoke
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
Did Texas survive last week's winter storms?
Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrly.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
Don’t be a wet noodle – join us!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.
He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
What do you call a hippie's wife?
A Mississippi.
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
Did you hear about the cows struck by lightning?
They were completely cattletonic!
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
There was a rebellious lightning bolt who ended up in juvenile hall.
His parents grounded him so he struck them.
Not to brag, but I already have a date for Valentines Day.
February 14th.
A trip to Ireland always lifts my spirits.
What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
I accidentally mixed up the words 'Jacuzzi' and 'Yakuza' online.
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.
Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes printed on the sides?
So that when they return to port they can scandinavyin.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
What board game do deer families always play?
Buck-gammon.
What kind of doctor is always available?
An on-call-ogist.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
While the blues musician performed his most famous song, balloons of every color were released in the arena. Guess we may get to call it the 'House of Hues'.
What’s a ghoul’s favorite Beatles song?
The Ghoul on the Hill!
What do you call Bigfoot from Canada?
Sasquatch-ewan.
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
You must be a geologist because you rock my world.
After 30 years of marriage, I can both proudly and firmly declare that I still wear the pants in my family...
My wife just tells me which ones to wear.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
Autumn brings re-leaf from the heat.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
What do you get if you cross a wasp with a doorbell?
A hum-dinger!
What happened to the zombie that made him visit the doctor? He had a crummy feeling.
What came first, the alligator or the crocodile?
The dinosaur.
Q: What time is it when a tiger walks into the room?
A: Time to get out of the room.
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