Funny Insults & Comebacks

Funny insults you can use or prepared comebacks for people insulting you

Away, you starvelling, you elf-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish!
Matthew said, "You are so tall that you are a basketball hoop!" I replied, "Actually, I get to be on a basketball court."
Come, come, you froward and unable worms!
You remind me of my Chinese friend - Ug Lee.
The rankest compound of villainous smell that ever offended nostril.
I'd slap you, but I'm against animal abuse.
Yo Mama so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.
Shaun was playing beach soccer when a couple of tourists made fun of his tall height. I replied, "Can you repeat that again? I couldn't see you behind this tiny grain of sand".
My spouse’s cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
Fly like a butterfly sting like a bee I slept with yo mama now it burns when I pee.
Tall people: the giraffes of the human race since the beginning of time.
"You are so tall that Google Earth is attached on your forehead," a man told me. "I am employed by Google, are you?" I replied.
Yo Mama so short she poses for trophies.
You're so ugly, you scared the crap out of the toilet.
Yo Momma so poor I saw her banging on a trash can and when I asked her what she was doing, she said her kids locked her out.
Your inferiority complex is fully justified.
You're about as much use as a condom machine in the Vatican.
Let's go. I will give you a ride. Hop into my pocket.
Yo Mama so poor children from Africa send her money.
It's not tall people's fault they think they're the center of the universe. They just can't see anyone else.
You'll never be half as funny as you look!
If I had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents.
You’ve never been on a rollercoaster and I can see why.
Yo Mama so stupid she stared at an orange juice carton for 20 minutes, because it said 'Concentrate'.
Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results. Good news – they found your head.
Her face is not worth sunburning.
Yo Mama so short she takes a shower in a rain drop.
Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood.
My friend said, "You are like Mount Everest". I replied, "All the mountaineers dream to be on my summit!".
Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission.
Once, a guy asked Mike, "How's the weather up there?" He replied, "It's a lot brighter than the IQ which you got down there."
Thou art a boil, a plague sore.
Yo mama so fat she has a sock for each toe.
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
Yo Mama so poor I went through her front door and ended up in the back yard.
Yo Mama so stupid she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gumball to come out.
You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
I am pigeon-liver’d and lack gall.
Yo mama so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
“The best things come in small packages.”
Yo Momma so poor ducks throw bread at her.
Marriage is like a phone call in the middle of the night; first the ring, THEN you wake up.
Every time I'm next to you, I get a fierce desire to be alone.
"Do you believe in God? I heard that God expresses his disappointment by making the sinners taller people."
Yo mama so fat that when she farted she started global warming.
Yo mama so fat she goes to KFC and licks other peoples' fingers.
Yo mama so fat she leaves footprints in concrete.
Yo Momma so poor she couldn't afford a condom and gave birth to you.
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