Funny insults you can use or prepared comebacks for people insulting you

If your gonna be two faced, honey at least make one of them pretty.
Yo momma so fat that even Dora couldn't explore her.
Yo mamma so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo Mama so short her best friend is an ant.
Don't look now, but there's one man too many in this room and I think it's you.
Yo momma so fat I took a picture of her at Christmas and it's still printing.
Yo Momma so stupid she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
You're like Monday mornings, nobody likes you.
Yo Momma so stupid she cut holes in her umbrella to see if it was raining.
Some babies were dropped on their heads but you were clearly thrown at a wall.
I thought of you today. It reminded me to take the garbage out.
Are you a clock?
Because you're ticking me off.
Yo mama is so fat, her alphabet starts with O.
OBCD.
Yo mama so fat when she cuts she bleeds gravy.
The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.
You cling to idiocy like a drunk clings to lamp posts.
How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
Yo Mama so short she does back flips under the bed.
Yo momma's so old her first job was as Cain and Abel' babysitter.
Roses are Red
Violets are blue
If I had a brick
I’d throw it at you.
She's like the heel of the bread: everyone touches her but nobody wants her.
Yo Mama so ugly when she went to the bathroom, she scared the crap out of the toilet.
Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Yo Mama so stupid she stared at an orange juice carton for 20 minutes, because it said 'Concentrate'.
Yo Mama so short she uses a sock for a sleeping bag.
I like your approach, now lets see your departure.
A father asks his newly betrothed daughter: "Tell me something, does this guy have any money?"

"Oh my gosh!" Exclaims his daughter, "Is that all you men think about? That's exactly what he asked about YOU!"
Yo momma so fat she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just said H D.
Yo momma so fat that when she bends over, the whole country enters daylight saving.
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"