Born Jokes

“I thought I’d never be that annoying person, but as soon as Winnie was born, I was showing iPhone snaps to a cab driver.”

- Jimmy Fallon.
“Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world, but they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they’re born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.”

- Ray Romano.
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one!”
— C.S. Lewis
"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."
"Everyone is born equal in life, until they get married." — Anonymous
Were you born on the Bluenose? Because baby, you're a dime.
The earth laughs in flowers, so it must have been extremely happy the day you were born.
Were you born in 1789? Because you’re a real classical beauty
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
The Fertile 70 Year Old An 70-year-old married a 20-year-old. A year after the wedding the couple arrives at the delivery room. A male boy weighing 3.5 kg was born, healthy and beautiful. The nurse asks the old man "Yours?" "Yes," the old man replies proudly. "Congratulations," the nurse replies. "Well..." says the old man, "the old engine still runs!" Two years later the duo arrives at the delivery room again. A 3.5 kg girl was born, healthy and beautiful. The nurse asks the old man: "Yours?". "Yes" the old man answers. "Well done" the nurse answers. "The engine still runs!" said the old man. After two more years, they come to the delivery room again. A 3.5-year-old male son is born, healthy and beautiful. The nurse asks the old man: "Yours?". "Yes," the old man replies. "Congratulations," the nurse says, "that's really impressive." "Well..." says the old man, "the engine is STILL running!" "Well... says the nurse, "you may want to change the oil, the last one came out black."
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
Were you born in a farm? You look a-maize-ing.
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday… said maybe they'll marry each other.
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age!
You must have been born in Pearl Harbor, because baby you da bomb.
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