Born

What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I was born smart,
What happened to you?!
Why do doctors slap babies' bums right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
You know you’re a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,

About Six-tea years to date,

Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,

her cupious amazing traits

Her balanced demeanour

Her Kindness and (earl) grace,

rooibost sense of humour,

too many to name in this teany space,

to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,

let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,

While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,

It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
My son is a man trapped in a woman’s body..
He’ll be born in March.
When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
I used to be a boy trapped in a woman’s body. But after 9 long months, I was finally born!
A lady sees a cowboy and says "are you really a cowboy?" The cowboy says "why yes mame, born and raised right here in Montana and have worked on the ranch since I was knee high to a pup."

The woman says " I've always wondered why cowboys always wear those big hats." The wide brim keeps the sun off'aya when it's hot and the rain off'aya when it rain'n."

"Why do you all wear vests?" Well mame, it keeps ya warm when it's cold but it leaves your arms free for rope'n and work'n."

"What about the chaps? " "They keep the burrs and brambles off'a ya."

She says "that all makes perfect sense, but what I don't understand is why you'd wear tennis shoes."

"Aww, that's easy, that's so folks don't mistake us for TRUCKERS!"
There once was a man from Cape Horn,
who wished he never was born.
And he wouldn't have been
if his father had seen
that the top of the rubber was torn.
One mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds" Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Duh huh guh nuh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock."
I’m not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I’m not gonna die the same way.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.