Quit Jokes

"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
I have known you quite a while,
When you talk, you make me smile.
A special friend, I will probably keep,
If you buy me a cool jeep.

It’s your birthday, I nearly forgot,
Searched on-line, bought you squat.
Hope you don’t turn all bitter,
Since you’ve never been a quitter.

I nearly quit, writing this verse,
Mind is blank, it’s a curse,
Soon your party will be here,
If I wake up, I’ll surely appear.

(Martin Dejnicki)
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
"Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." ~ George Carline
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
The Reformed Cowboy
The Reformed Cowboy A cowboy, who just moved from Wyoming to Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking." Then he smiled. “Hasn't affected my brothers, though."
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
I'm trying to quit smoking, wanna give me a new oral fixation?
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