A man walks into a car dealership. A salesman greets him at the door and after some chatting they end up taking a car for a test drive.
“This car is so quiet sir” exclaims the salesman “the ride is calm and relaxing”.
The man shakes his head “No, I’m buying this car for my wife and I certainly wouldn’t describe her as the ‘quiet and calm’ type”.
The salesman quickly transfers his potential buyer to another car. “Then perhaps this would be more her style! This car is quick, sleek and agile”.
The man sighs “no, my wife is certainly not the ‘sleek’ type by any means.”
Frustrated, the salesman transfers the man to a third car, a sure winner. “Now sir, I happen to know this car is very popular. Nearly every man who has been here has taken it for a test drive-“
A lady walks into a fancy jewelry store.
She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.
Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good day, Madam How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may not have been there at the time of her little "accident!" she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"
He answers, "Lady, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to crap when I tell you the price."
A young man from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The manager asks, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid replies, "Yeah, I was one of the best Bible salesmen back in Omaha."
The boss liked the kid and gave him the job.
"You can start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down.
"How many customers bought something from you today?”
The kid responds, "One."The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day.
How much was the sale for?"
"$101,237.65? Holy Mother of Mary! What did you sell him?"
"Well, it went like this. First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then, I sold him a medium fish hook. Then, I sold him a larger fish hook. Then, I sold him a new fishing rod. Then, I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Boston Whaler. Then, he said he didn't think his car would pull it, so I took him down to the automobile department and sold him a 4x4 truck with all the bells and whistles."
"So let me get this straight." Said the astounded manager. "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook, and you sold him a boat and a truck?!"
"No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Friend, your weekend's shot. You might as well go fishing."
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me? It was too gouda to be true.
What did the Cheese salesman say? That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
A Blonde By Any Other Name
A blonde walked into an electronics store and said to the salesmen: "I want that TV."
The salesperson shook his head and said, "No, we don't sell to blondes."
So the blonde left and came back with her hair dyed brown and said: "I'll take that TV."
Again the salesman said: "No, we don't sell to blondes."
So she left again and came back with a hat, a fake nose and with her hair dyed black and said: "I want that TV."
But the salesman still said: "sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
Finally the blonde got fed up and said, "That's it! How do you keep guessing I'm a blonde?!" she asked.
"Because that's a microwave."