Emergency Jokes

My father always taught me to be prepared for any emergency. I was on the ball when the streets flooded...
I was ready and wading!
My first date with an Emergency department nurse was a casual tea.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"

Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
Why was the Copper Mountain skier taken to the emergency room?
He hurt his ski bum.
For safety's sake, how about we practice assuming the emergency position.
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
In case of an emergency, pull down the zipper on my pants.
Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
The American Assistance It was 1990 and Mikhail Gorbachev called POTUS Bush Sr. to request help with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried. “This is a true disaster!" "Mr. Gorbachev, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you.' replied the President. "I do need help," said Gorbachev . "Could you possibly send 100,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?" "Why certainly! I'll get right on it," said Bush. "Oh, and one more small favour, please?" said Gorbachev . "Yes?" "Could the condoms be red in colour and at least 10 inches long and 3 inches in diameter?" said Gorbachev . "No problem." replied the President and, with that, Bush hung up and called the President of condom company, "I need a favour, you've got to send 100,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia." "Consider it done," said the President of condom company. "Great! Now listen, they have to be red in colour, 10 inches long and 3 inches in diameter." "Easily done, Mr. President. Anything else?" "Yeah," said Bush. "I want each to say 'Made in the USA, Size: Small"
The Emergency Situation A car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. The lady driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. She then takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats and appear naked to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the lady of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?" "My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly. "Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer. "Well, those are my emergency flashers!" she replies.
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