Underwear Jokes

Whosever room this is should be ashamed!
His underwear is hanging on the lamp.
His raincoat is there in the overstuffed chair,
And the chair is becoming quite mucky and damp.
His workbook is wedged in the window,
His sweater’s been thrown on the floor.
His scarf and one ski are beneath the TV,
And his pants have been carelessly hung on the door.
His books are all jammed in the closet,
His vest has been left in the hall.
A lizard named Ed is asleep in his bed,
And his smelly old sock has been stuck to the wall.
Whosever room this is should be ashamed!
Donald or Robert or Willie or—
Huh? You say it’s mine? Oh, dear,
I knew it looked familiar!
(Shel Silverstein)
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
The Alarming Wives
The Alarming Wives Two wives finally find some time to have a night out, just the two girls. After a night of happy drinking, they decide to wobble home, but on the way both have a desperate need to pee. They nip into a cemetery, do the deed and realize they have nothing to wipe themselves with. So one uses her underwear and the other grabs a wreath and uses that. Next day there husbands are talking on the phone, voicing there concerns. "I'm not happy", says one husband, "she came home with no underwear on!" "I hear you" replies second husband in a sad voice. "But if you think that's bad, my wife had a card stuck in the crack of her backside saying, "From all the guys at the fire station, we will all miss you!"
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Rodney Dangerfield
“Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.“
Bill Murray
What type of underwear does a yard wear?
Lawngerie.
Shopping for Underwear
Shopping for Underwear A man walks up to the counter. "Two pairs of underwear please." The man behind the counter looks at him in disbelief. "Only two pairs of underwear?" "Yup. I wear one while the other is in the wash." The man behind the counter looks at him in disgust, then rings out his order. A second man walks in. "5 pairs of underwear please." "Only 5 eh?" "Yeah, I wear one for every weekday, then go commando all the weekend." The man behind the counter shakes his head. "Well, you're better then the last guy!" A third man walks in. "7 pairs of underwear please." "Finally, a man who knows hygiene!" "Yes, I do try. One for every day, and I do my laundry on Sunday." At the end of the day, a fourth man walks into the underwear store. "12 pairs of underwear please." "Wow! You must be really clean!" The man smiles. "Yup, that's me! Err, hang on, let me see if I counted right. January, February, March, April..."
You're so hot you melt the elastic in my underwear.
You’re so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.
My magic watch tells me you're not wearing any underwear.
You are? The thing must be an hour fast again.
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
Is that a discharge in your underwear, or are you just happy to see me?
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
Do you know which aisle the edible underwear is in? Oh, wait, wrong store!
Want to start your day laughing? Register to our Daily Joke!
Did you mean:
Continue With: Facebook Google
By continuing, you agree to our T&C and Privacy Policy