Theater Jokes

Never date a Theater person...
... wayyy too much Drama...
Theater sound guys aren't always good speakers
I gave someone directions to a theater today
I guess I am a movie director now.
Don't theater jokes always seem so staged?
Why the skeleton doesn't go to the theater?
Because he has nobody to go with.
You know why theater people say "break a leg" instead of good luck?
Because if you do, you'll end up in a cast!
I had a job directing an elementary school theater production.
It wasn't hard work, after all, it was child's play.
A classically trainer theater performer just became a spy.
I guess you could say they perform... thespionage
A pig and a horse walk into a movie theater.
The horse didn't feel like buying popcorn so he brought some hay. A theater employee saw him and said. "Are you sneaking outside food into the theater?"

The horse said "nay."

The pig squealed.
My theater group is writing a sci-fi thriller about classical musicians.
I'll be Bach.
I went to a theater performance done on a bunch of dictionaries the other day...
It was a play on words.
Did you know this mall has a movie theater? I just saw a preview of our life together. Looks pretty good!
A Cowboy at the Theater The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment, he had returned with the manager. Together, the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the cowboy moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied: "The balcony".
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
The Mayor's Nightly Visit A new mayor of Chicago is chosen. That night, Franklin Delano Roosevelt appears. The mayor asks him "What can I do to make Chicago even greater?". FDR responds: "Do everything for the people". The mayor wakes up startled, and mutters "Lies!" under his breath. The next night, George Washington appears in the dreams of the mayor. He asks "What can I do to make Chicago even greater?", to which GW responds "Never tell a lie". The mayor wakes up startled, and curses under his breath. "That's not possible!" The next night, Abraham Lincoln appears in the mayor's dreams. The mayor asks "What can I do to make Chicago even greater?" Abraham looks at the mayor, scratches his beard, and takes a while to answer. "Visit a theater."
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