What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
My niece called my antisocial
I corrected her with "no, I'm uncle social" Then pointed to my sister and called her auntisocial.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
Who is the penguins favourite aunt?
Aunt Arctica
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
Who was Shakespeare's reptilian cousin?
Snakespeare
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
Don’t let your grandparents have daughters.
That’s how you get aunts.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
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