I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
My children got their good looks from their mother.
I kept mine.
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
Women should not have children after 34.
Really, 34 children are enough.
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
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