My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
Women should not have children after 34.
Really, 34 children are enough.
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
My three favorite things are eating my family
and not using commas.
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?
By his dead bod.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
My children got their good looks from their mother.
I kept mine.
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
My communist grandparents hated each other, but still stayed married for more than 60 years.
It was a so-be-it union.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
I just told my family a pun about bees.
It was so good that everyone gave me hive fives.
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
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