Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
Where do you find the nicest children in the world?
Germany. They're kinder.
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
My twins give me chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, and extreme diarrhea.
Their names are Sam and Ella.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
My niece called my antisocial
I corrected her with "no, I'm uncle social" Then pointed to my sister and called her auntisocial.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Women should not have children after 34.
Really, 34 children are enough.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english
But he came back with nothing
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
My three favorite things are eating my family
and not using commas.
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
Don’t let your grandparents have daughters.
That’s how you get aunts.
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting rude?
"I've had it with your altitude"
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
I just told my family a pun about bees.
It was so good that everyone gave me hive fives.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
Who was Shakespeare's reptilian cousin?
Snakespeare
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
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