What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.