Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards"
Me: "And?"
Patient: ‘Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.’
Doctor: ‘Sit down and don’t stir.’
My doctor told me that his job is easy because he can heal all of his patients with trigonometry.
He has a sinecure.
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
Me: I have an appointment to see the doctor.
Nurse: which doctor?
Me: No, just the regular one
2 years ago, the doctor told me I was losing my hearing.
Haven't heard from him since then.
What kind of doctor is always available?
An on-call-ogist.
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
Man: "I’ve had really bad gas lately." Doctor: D"on’t worry, it will pass."
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t PEELING well.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
She got a divorce the next day.
What do doctors use to diagnose chickens?
Eggsray.
My doctor told me that I needed I kidney
I told her no. I'd prefer an adult-knee.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it:
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Guy: "Whats the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: OMG, and the good news?
Doc: You now have a tic tac toe.
A guy walks into the doctors office complaining of rectal pain, upon examination, the doctor exclaims "Buddy, theres a piece of lettuce coming out of your butt!"
The guy looks to the doctor and says "thats only the tip of the iceburg!"
I dated a doctor once. Big mistake.
She was a Psycho.
“While I was in the doctor’s waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. I suppose he just had to be a little patient.”
What do you call a doctor who became a delivery driver?
MedEx
Did you know that doctors that perform circumscisions don’t make a lot of money for those operations?
They only get paid in tips.
Why was the doctor doing diarrhia research scared?
He had seen some sh*t go down.
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