Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor.
Me: I have an appointment to see the doctor.
Nurse: which doctor?
Me: No, just the regular one
What is a doctor's favorite element?
Healium.
A guy walks into the doctors office complaining of rectal pain, upon examination, the doctor exclaims "Buddy, theres a piece of lettuce coming out of your butt!"
The guy looks to the doctor and says "thats only the tip of the iceburg!"
Patient: ‘Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.’
Doctor: ‘Sit down and don’t stir.’
My doctor told me that his job is easy because he can heal all of his patients with trigonometry.
He has a sinecure.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
She got a divorce the next day.
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor!
Who is the second coolest man in hospital?
The hip replacement guy!
2 years ago, the doctor told me I was losing my hearing.
Haven't heard from him since then.
What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
What do you call a doctor who became a delivery driver?
MedEx
Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains
Doctor: Pull yourself together
Did you know that doctors that perform circumscisions don’t make a lot of money for those operations?
They only get paid in tips.
I dated a doctor once. Big mistake.
She was a Psycho.
Why did the house go to the doctor?
It was having window panes.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it:
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Guy: "Whats the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: OMG, and the good news?
Doc: You now have a tic tac toe.
Man: "I’ve had really bad gas lately." Doctor: D"on’t worry, it will pass."
“While I was in the doctor’s waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. I suppose he just had to be a little patient.”
Once there was a doctor who got shot. He adamantly wanted to perform surgery on himself, despite all of the other surgeons saying that he shouldn't.
But he was so insistent that they finally said "Fine, suture self."
Doctor: Are you aware of your sodium intake?
Me: Na.
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