A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
She got a divorce the next day.
What is a doctor's favorite element?
Healium.
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
Why was the doctor so paranoid?
He worked in the ICU.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now."
Man: "I’ve had really bad gas lately." Doctor: D"on’t worry, it will pass."
What do you call Vietnamese animal doctors?
Vietnam Vets.
My doctor told me that I needed I kidney
I told her no. I'd prefer an adult-knee.
“While I was in the doctor’s waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. I suppose he just had to be a little patient.”
Did you know that doctors that perform circumscisions don’t make a lot of money for those operations?
They only get paid in tips.
My doctor told me that his job is easy because he can heal all of his patients with trigonometry.
He has a sinecure.
Doctor: Your brain seems to have deleted all info about 80s music!
Man: Yikes! What’s The Cure?
Doctor: Darn, it’s worse than I thought.
Doctor 1: what’s his body temperature?
Doctor 2: it’s 90 degrees.
Doctor 1: What?! That’s can’t be right!
Doctor 2: No, it is.
Doctor, I keep peeing my pants! What can I do?
Urologist: “It’s mind over matter, urine control.”
What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
I dated a doctor once. Big mistake.
She was a Psycho.
Once there was a doctor who got shot. He adamantly wanted to perform surgery on himself, despite all of the other surgeons saying that he shouldn't.
But he was so insistent that they finally said "Fine, suture self."
Doctor, Doctor! I'm terrified of words that are also letters!
Oh you are? I see. Why?
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
The Doctor could tell right away the bucket was sick.
It was looking a bit pale.
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