Doctor 1: what’s his body temperature?
Doctor 2: it’s 90 degrees.
Doctor 1: What?! That’s can’t be right!
Doctor 2: No, it is.
The Doctor could tell right away the bucket was sick.
It was looking a bit pale.
Once there was a doctor who got shot. He adamantly wanted to perform surgery on himself, despite all of the other surgeons saying that he shouldn't.
But he was so insistent that they finally said "Fine, suture self."
Why was the doctor doing diarrhia research scared?
He had seen some sh*t go down.
Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t PEELING well.
Did you know that doctors that perform circumscisions don’t make a lot of money for those operations?
They only get paid in tips.
Man: "I’ve had really bad gas lately." Doctor: D"on’t worry, it will pass."
What do you call Vietnamese animal doctors?
Vietnam Vets.
Doctor, I keep peeing my pants! What can I do?
Urologist: “It’s mind over matter, urine control.”
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
She got a divorce the next day.
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
My doctor told me that I needed I kidney
I told her no. I'd prefer an adult-knee.
Patient: ‘Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.’
Doctor: ‘Sit down and don’t stir.’
I dated a doctor once. Big mistake.
She was a Psycho.
2 years ago, the doctor told me I was losing my hearing.
Haven't heard from him since then.
Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards"
Me: "And?"
My doctor told me that his job is easy because he can heal all of his patients with trigonometry.
He has a sinecure.
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