My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
My doctor told me that his job is easy because he can heal all of his patients with trigonometry.
He has a sinecure.
What do you call a doctor who became a delivery driver?
MedEx
Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
What kind of doctor is always available?
An on-call-ogist.
Man: "I’ve had really bad gas lately." Doctor: D"on’t worry, it will pass."
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl."
Doctor: Are you aware of your sodium intake?
Me: Na.
I went to see my Doctor this morning and told him "The tablets you gave me to stop me shrinking aren't working".
He said, “You'll just have to be a little patient then”.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t PEELING well.
Doctor, I keep peeing my pants! What can I do?
Urologist: “It’s mind over matter, urine control.”
Did you know that doctors that perform circumscisions don’t make a lot of money for those operations?
They only get paid in tips.
Why did the house go to the doctor?
It was having window panes.
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
What do you call Vietnamese animal doctors?
Vietnam Vets.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it:
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Guy: "Whats the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: OMG, and the good news?
Doc: You now have a tic tac toe.
Why was the doctor so paranoid?
He worked in the ICU.
Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains
Doctor: Pull yourself together
Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards"
Me: "And?"
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.