A guy walks into the doctors office complaining of rectal pain, upon examination, the doctor exclaims "Buddy, theres a piece of lettuce coming out of your butt!"
The guy looks to the doctor and says "thats only the tip of the iceburg!"
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
She got a divorce the next day.
Doctor, Doctor! I'm terrified of words that are also letters!
Oh you are? I see. Why?
What do doctors use to diagnose chickens?
Eggsray.
Doctor, I keep peeing my pants! What can I do?
Urologist: “It’s mind over matter, urine control.”
Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill cupboard quietly?
So she wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills.
What do you call a doctor who became a delivery driver?
MedEx
Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor.
I ride share to work regularly, but if I'm in the backseat when we go through a tunnel I have a massive anxiety attack.
My doctor diagnosed me with Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.
Once there was a doctor who got shot. He adamantly wanted to perform surgery on himself, despite all of the other surgeons saying that he shouldn't.
But he was so insistent that they finally said "Fine, suture self."
I went to see my Doctor this morning and told him "The tablets you gave me to stop me shrinking aren't working".
He said, “You'll just have to be a little patient then”.
My doctor told me that his job is easy because he can heal all of his patients with trigonometry.
He has a sinecure.
When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked when the doctors told me I broke all my fingers.
It was hard to grasp.
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now."
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
My doctor told me that I needed I kidney
I told her no. I'd prefer an adult-knee.
The Doctor could tell right away the bucket was sick.
It was looking a bit pale.
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