A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it:
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Guy: "Whats the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: OMG, and the good news?
Doc: You now have a tic tac toe.
The Doctor could tell right away the bucket was sick.
It was looking a bit pale.
What is a doctor's favorite element?
Healium.
Doctor, I keep peeing my pants! What can I do?
Urologist: “It’s mind over matter, urine control.”
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
Earlier, I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention disguised as the starship's doctor.
Security soon discoverd, however, I wasn't the real McCoy.
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.
Her name is Carly and she's a doctor
maybe I should C A Rly good doctor.
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor.
Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill cupboard quietly?
So she wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills.
What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
I ride share to work regularly, but if I'm in the backseat when we go through a tunnel I have a massive anxiety attack.
My doctor diagnosed me with Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.
Patient: ‘Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.’
Doctor: ‘Sit down and don’t stir.’
Doctor, Doctor! I'm terrified of words that are also letters!
Oh you are? I see. Why?
I dated a doctor once. Big mistake.
She was a Psycho.
Why was the doctor doing diarrhia research scared?
He had seen some sh*t go down.
Ya know, I was supposed to be a doctor.
But I just didn’t have the patience.
A guy walks into the doctors office complaining of rectal pain, upon examination, the doctor exclaims "Buddy, theres a piece of lettuce coming out of your butt!"
The guy looks to the doctor and says "thats only the tip of the iceburg!"
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl."
Man: "I’ve had really bad gas lately." Doctor: D"on’t worry, it will pass."
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