How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!