The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
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